Why do so many teenagers feel compelled to use the word ‘like’ at least once in every spoken sentence? I was driving a few high school freshmen home from soccer practice the other day. Like most dads, I was careful not to join the chatter behind me. But I found myself growing annoyed at what I heard.

“I was, like, so mad at Wendy. I was, like, wide open, and she, like, never passed me the ball.”

“I know. She thinks, like, she is so much better than, like, everyone else.”

“I’m like, tempted to say something to coach. But, like, I don’t want to be, you know, like, a tattle tale.”

I felt an urge welling up, and uttered the words to myself.

“Girls, forgive me, but can I be a pest? You don’t need the word ‘like.’ The sooner you lose it as a crutch, the better off you will be.”

The “likes” kept coming and I was ever so tempted to make my case. But then I considered the consequences. Did I really want to do this, and have my daughter remind me of it twenty years from now?

I kept my mouth shut, but can only wonder: What can we do to help rid our kids of this habit? Ideas welcomed.

Here are two short documents that might be useful for anyone heading off to college this month.  The first, A Blueprint for Learning, contains excerpts from an address given to incoming freshmen by the former dean of Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration. The second is a list of 13 keys to success that I’ve refined based on a similar document prepared by Investor’s Business Daily.

A Blueprint for Learning

By David Butler, former Dean, Cornell University School of Hotel Administration

What you get out of college is what you put into it. The yield on your college investment will be determined by how aggressively you take charge of your learning.

But what should you be aggressive about? We will spend the next four years helping you answer that question, but right now let me focus on one thing: Take risks! As the origins of the word “education” suggest, learning requires pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. And remember that in any university, the risk–reward relationship is loaded in your favor. The downside is low, the upside is high. Ours is a school of rigorous expectations, not of hard knocks.

So, in selecting courses, build on your strengths, but don’t hide in them. Attack your gaps and weaknesses. If you are quantitatively inclined, acquire the verbal facility you will need to sell the results of your analysis—and to succeed as a leader and as a social being. If you are verbally inclined, remember that few people rise high in business who don’t also understand the numbers.

In selecting faculty mentors, pick individuals with reputations for being unusually probing and challenging, even prickly. Supportiveness is only one tool in instruction. Many of our alumni’s fondest anecdotes about their teachers – and deans – seem to involve curmudgeons.

In selecting friends, seek diversity in country of origin and in ethnicity, interests, and faiths. In hospitality you will serve the world, and the world is here in this small town. Seek it out.

In sharing ideas, in your discussions inside and outside class, don’t “play it safe.” Take risks with what may seem off-the-wall. You may be breaking new ground.

A stimulating world moves through this campus. Use the whole university. If you do your part, our curriculum will assure that you graduate with a sound base in hospitality management. But leadership requires a broader take on the human experience. Explore the arts and sciences, music, drama, literature, biology, physics, and astronomy. Do so in courses, featured lectures, and campus events.

At the risk of sounding like your parents, let me also remind you: It is unlikely that you will ever again be able to spend four years of your life devoted primarily to improving yourself, much less in an intellectual environment as rich and diverse as this one.

College offers a glorious feast of experience and insight. Dine well. Where learning is involved, gluttony is a virtue.

13 keys to success

1. HOW YOU THINK IS EVERYTHING. Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of negative people and avoid them.
2. RESPECT YOURSELF. Take pride in who you are and what you can do.
3. AIM HIGH. Apply your talents, and develop new skills.
4. DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE. Write down specific goals. Make a plan to achieve them. Track your progress.
5. TAKE ACTION. Actively pursue your goals. Make progress every day.
6. ALWAYS LEARN. Learn every day. Read books and periodicals. Take classes. Acquire new skills. Learn from your successes – and setbacks.
7. BE PERSISTENT. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Accept setbacks as part of the journey and press on undaunted.
8. LEARN TO ANALYZE DETAILS. Gather all facts and opinions before you make decisions.
9. FOCUS YOUR TIME. Don’t let other people distract you.
10. DARE TO INNOVATE; BE DIFFERENT. Following others is a sure way to get lost in the crowd.
11. INTERACT WITH ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE. Learn to hear, understand and motivate others.
12. USE YOUR VOICE. Actively participate in group activity. Build and refine your verbal skills. Develop a voice that people want to hear and follow. 
13. BE HONEST AND RELIABLE. Take responsibility; live up to your words.

“Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness.”

– James Thurber

Need a title for that presentation, news story or email subject line? Come up short.

Here’s a reminder of how a short title can take you a long way. The Center for Fiction just released the seven novels being considered for its 2010 First Novel prize. Here they are:

Beneath the Lion’s Gaze, by Maaza Mengiste
The Invisible Bridge, by Julie Orringer
Matterhorn, by Karl Marlantes
Mr. Peanut, by Adam Ross
The Quickening, by Michelle Hoover
The Report, by Jessica Francis Kane
This is Just Exactly Like You, by Drew Perry

Average title length: fewer than three words.

Granted, you’re not writing a novel. But whatever you write – a speech, a news release, an email – your goal with the title is the same as a novelist’s: catch the eye, spark curiosity.

Think hard about your title. Toss out your first tries. You’ll know when you hit on the right one. And while you’re at it, keep in mind this phrase: “I’m writing you this long letter because I haven’t had the time to make it short.”

During a presentation last week, the president of a global chocolate company shared a powerful anecdote about how honesty builds trust. He was describing a recent situation at his company where four employees had interviewed unsuccessfully for the same big job. Afterward, each employee was told, face to face, what they lacked and what they could do to develop the required skills. Trust grows.

Contrast that approach to how this situation is handled at some companies. Each person is told they were the second-most-qualified candidate. On the surface, this seems like it might hearten each candidate. But what happens when those candidates share notes, and they each discover that they were all second-best? Trust erodes.

Corporate leaders and communicators writing about distinct accomplishments often fall back on the worn phrase, ‘rise to the occasion.’ Next time you’re describing a bold act, try ‘grasp the nettle.’ This figure of speech means, ‘to tackle a difficult problem boldly.’

This phrase is known wherever the Stinging Nettle grows, which covers most of the English-speaking world. When a person brushes against the plant’s hairs, it injects toxins into the skin. When the plant is grasped firmly, however, especially if done in the direction the hairs are growing, the hairs are pushed flat and do not penetrate the skin. One of the first references to this phrase can be found in Aaron Hill’s poem, Works, circa 1750: “Tender-handed stroke a nettle, And it stings you, for your pains: Grasp it like a man of mettle, And it soft as silk remains.”

This gem comes courtesy of http://www.phrases.org.uk/index.html, where you can read about the meanings and origins of over 1,200 English sayings, phrases and idioms.

A gent was driving home on a country road in the 1970s when he heard the radio announcer report that a man had been found alongside a local road. The announcer reported that police had detected a clue clinging to the corpse’s shoes. How did the announcer describe the clue? “Stable debris.”

Now that’s no horseshit.  Have you ever heard a better euphemism? If so, let us hear it.

A man met a fairy who granted him one wish.

                          
“I want to live forever,” the man said. 

                                          
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I can’t grant that kind of wish.” 

    
“Fine,” the man said. “Then I want to die when England wins the World Cup.”

         
“You crafty devil,” said the fairy.

What do effective public speakers see as their first goal? They want to get their audience on their side. How do they do it? Often, they tell an anecdote.

Here’s how the head of a global chocolate company connected with his audience when starting a recent presentation in New Jersey.

“When people find out what I do, they react in unpredictable ways. This winter I was riding a ski lift with a man I did not know. He asked what I did. I told him I make M&Ms and Snickers bars.”

‘You do?’ the man replied, in near disbelief. ‘What a great man!’

My son’s friends – they want nothing to do with me, until they find out what I do. Then they ask if they can friend me on Facebook.”

With an opening like that, this speaker put the audience on his side.

Granted, not everyone runs a company that makes world-renowned treats. But dig a little. Chances are you can find a short story that resonates with your audience – and sets you up for success at the lectern.

Leaders who struggle to see how peer-to-peer accountability works should watch a World Cup soccer match.

In soccer, each player has the ball for only a minute or so. What defines each player’s true value is how he supports his teammates over the other 89 minutes.

Watch the action unfold away from the ball. The best teams thrive because their players work hard when they don’t have the ball. When one player has the ball, his teammates move into open space to provide a target. When the team loses the ball, players sprint back to help shore up the defense. The effect is contagious; every player gets in the flow and teamwork emerges in full force.    

Leaders who excel in peer-to-peer accountability think and act in much the same way. They are not only good on the ball. They help teammates advance, and hold teammates accountable for doing the same.

You’re sending a memo asking people to do something. In your close, you may be tempted to thank people for their cooperation. There is a better word.

“Cooperation” is a hazy word that leaves open a slight window of doubt. Some readers will interpret the word to mean, “I’m not sure you’ll do this, so I’m asking you to cooperate.”

So, for example, what do you say instead of, “Thank you for your cooperation and for selling with integrity.” Try this: “Thank you for your commitment to selling with integrity.” A subtle shift, yes, but better to praise for “commitment” that to cast doubt with “cooperation.”